Mums have been sharing their hilarious, cringe-worthy and embarrassing birth stories on Facebook.
They were encouraged to go into the minute details after parenting blogger, Sarah Turner aka The Unmumsy Mum, requested her followers to hit her with the “funny things” their birthing partners had done.
“I’d love to hear your stories, some of the ones I’ve been sent have had me in stitches,” she wrote.
“Actually, maybe it’s a bad time to mention stitches…”
Turner’s followers soon delivered, with more than 1,500 people commenting on the post to share their stories.
Here are 10 of the best.
1. The One With The Sanitary Towel
“When we had our son, the midwife asked my husband to put a cool cloth on my head. He reached into the drawer next to the bed and took out what he thought was a cloth, ran it under the tap and slapped it on my forehead. Only it wasn’t a cloth. It was a giant old fashioned maternity pad. I gave birth with a sanitary towel stuck to my head.”
2. The One Where He Fainted
“My eyes were closed as I was being given epidural, I heard the midwife ask ‘Are you ok?’, I managed to say ‘Yes’ through gritted teeth but as I opened my eyes I realised she was actually talking to my husband who had slid slowly down the wall and was crouching on the floor looking a bit pasty. Bless.”
3. The One With The Anus
“Towards the end of my labour I was on all fours, having a quiet moment of near-unconsciousness between contractions and was vaguely aware of awkward small talk going on between my other half and the midwife. My fella said ‘How long do you think it’ll be?’ The midwife kindly chipped in ‘Not long now, you can tell by the way the anus is bagging’ and proceeded to point out my bagging anus to my partner.”
4. The One With The Emergency Call
“I had my youngest at home (very fast labour) and my other half was in such a panic when he called for an ambulance he couldn’t remember our address, couldn’t remember my date of birth and the best bit: the 999 lady asked what the emergency was. His reply: ‘PREGNANCY, IT’S PREGNANCY’.”
5. The One With The Scrubs
“I ended up with a c-section and my husband disappeared for ages getting his scrubs on. I realised when he got back trying to hide his phone he had been taking selfies because he thought he looked like JD from ‘Scrubs’. Weirdly, we’re still married.”
6. The One With The Catheter
“My husband was confused when the midwife explained that I needed a catheter and he said ‘So how does the baby come out then?’ The midwife and I looked at each other. I said ‘Ummm you do know that the baby comes out of a different hole than wee?’ No. No he didn’t know that. 30 years old and he thinks women wee out of their vaginas. Dear God.”
7. The One Who Had The Way With Words
“My husband, from the business end of my body, said: ‘It’s like a Vietnam war film, there’s blood and crap everywhere, but I can’t look away.’ He has such a way with words.”
8. The One With The Wheelchair
“As we were walking across the hospital car park I had to stop walking because I was pushing. A helpful passerby asked if we were ok. My husband replied that we were on our way to the maternity ward. This wonderful passerby then asked if we wanted him to find a wheelchair. My husband said: ‘No it’s ok’ even though my baby was arriving imminently. He didn’t want to cause a ‘fuss’!”
9. The One With The Selfies
“Awaiting the arrival of twins being born by c-section at 32 weeks, I was obviously very worried the babies would be ok. Was my husband worried? No. He wanted me to take photos of him in his doctors gown in various poses.”
10. The One With The Audience
“I gave birth on the hottest day of the year, and had agreed to a few extra people to come in and watch the experience (trainees and ambulance men alike) I was sweating all my bits off through the labour and started stripping right down, then hubby pipes up with: ‘All these people will see you naked’. Teeth clenched, I responded: ‘I’m laying here with my legs spread, they are all looking up my chuff, do you really think I give a shit that they can now also see my tits?’”
Do you have a funny birth story to share? Let us know in the comments below.